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My Faith
Journey – A Work in Progress
By Elizabeth Redd
Why is it so hard to write my testimony? I guess because, for
me, it means I have to sit down and really evaluate my spiritual
journey and how close or how far I really am from where I want
to be.
Where I am now, April 2004, is way different from where I was in
September 2002, when this all started. I grew up in a small
college town in PA, where my dad is a professor. We attended a
small catholic church on campus every Sunday. I even attended
Sunday School, but the best part of Sunday wasn’t getting to
fellowship with God, it was the donut and chocolate milk I was
promised after Sunday School and before the mass. I didn’t
understand Easter or Communion or Baptism or even the
Confirmation ceremony and classes I went through. I didn’t get
IT.
Then my Mom died. If there was a God in my life at that time, I
was mad at Him. I put Him on a shelf for a while. My dad
remarried a Presbyterian and she asked me to go to church with
her. They had a great youth group and I got really involved.
Still, I didn’t get IT.
I went on to college in the same small town, stopped going to
church because I thought God would understand that I NEEDED
Sunday to rest and sleep in. I didn’t get IT.
I graduated from college and moved from PA to Raleigh, NC. My
dad said “Make sure you join a nice church right away.” But I
didn’t need a nice church, or any church or even God, right
away. I didn’t get IT.
On my own, 500 miles away from home, able to do anything I
wanted, I worked 40 hours a week and partied 48 hours on the
weekends. I didn’t get IT and further more, I didn’t think I
needed IT anyway.
A few years pass this way, then I met Julie in swim practice.
She mentioned that she would like to find a church to go to. I
thought that would be nice. So we found Saint Andrews and went
one Sunday. It was awesome. But, I didn’t get IT. I now knew I
needed something, but wasn’t sure what IT was.
After a few months, Julie and I joined the New Member’s Class in
March 2002. That’s when I started to hear about God’s gifts and
time, talent and resources. A piece of the puzzle was found and
finally placed in the correct spot.
As time went on, I joined the Young Adults Fellowship Group and
then a whole bunch of puzzle pieces fell into place at once. I
was finally getting IT!
I started spending time with God, learning about Him and
becoming friends with Him. I researched all the evidence for,
and against, Him. I realized that it wasn’t unreasonable to
believe in God, in fact, it was more unreasonable NOT to believe
in Him.
Last Easter was the first time I really understood the sacrifice
that was made for me and it blew me away! Here was Jesus,
leading a perfect and sinless life and what thanks does he get?
He dies for it! I can’t go five minutes without sinning, at
least in my thoughts.
On October 31, 2002, I prayed a prayer that went something like
this:
“God, I’ve got faith the size of a mustard seed (meaning not
very big) but I know the truth now. I am a sinner and I can’t do
this on my own. I need you and I want you to come into and
command my life.”
You know what? Nothing happened! I felt the same, no angels
trumpeting, no white light descending in a halo around my head.
I was still the same old me. But…
Now I’ve got IT. I’ve got the will to live for this man, who
died for me. I’ve got the love of God everyday. IT was always
there, I just didn’t get it.
Two truths I’ve learned…you can go to church and take part in
the sacraments and pay your “dues”, but that doesn’t mean you’re
saved. It probably means you’re complacent or afraid to actually
let God into your life because He will definitely change it and
that can be scary.
The second truth is that once I really and truly did accept
Jesus into my heart, my life started changing for the better…and
I’m happy about it! I no longer have a problem getting up for
church on Sunday. I do it out of love, not duty. It’s not as
hard to read God’s Word and set apart some time for Him each
day. In the beginning it is hard because it’s painful sometimes
to shed the skin of my old life, especially since I’m the one
who has changed but the world still rages around me just as it
always has. Once I got past a certain point, Wow! It’s a whole
new world!
Yeah, I still make mistakes, but I’m a good person who
occasionally makes the wrong decision and does the wrong thing.
As soon as I’m aware of my mistake, I tell God about it and He
makes it right.
Now things are slowly starting to change. Being an impatient
person, it’s been a struggle, but my life really has started to
morph with Jesus at the wheel. My thoughts are cleaner and more
hopeful, I have a better perspective on life, I am happier and
more peaceful and best of all, I have a purpose for living…to
please God and help other people get IT.
I’m finally getting it; don’t you want to get IT to?
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