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Robert Redd’s
Faith Journey
Sunday, February 01, 2004
So…. it’s time to write about my Faith Journey. I know
where to end. But, the question is where do I start?
I’ll just start from the beginning and see where it
takes me. I didn’t go to church much growing up. My
family didn’t regularly go and if we did go, it was even
an ordeal for my parents, so you can imagine how my
brother and I felt. However, I did end up going to a
Christian school starting in middle-school. This is
probably where my journey, in fits and starts, really
began.
Westminster school in Atlanta was a Christian school, so
we did study the Old and New Testaments. However, this
was mainly from an historical perspective. But, there
was a lot of fellowship before and after school. One of
these groups was called the Friday morning fellowship
group. I was asked by some friends to go and joined them
before school started a few times. We sat around,
prayed, held hands and things got really emotional for
me. I could hardly hold back my tears as my peers held
my hands and prayed for me in a circle. I think the
overwhelming feelings just scared me. The odd thing here
is that feelings don’t typically frighten me. I’m very
comfortable with my feelings and relish the ability to
feel…. Both good and bad. However, these feelings were
hard to understand. I was happy, but crying; sad, but at
the same time joyous on the inside. These were feelings
that made such little sense to me that they just scared
me due to my own lack of being able to understand them
and also due to their sheer power they were exerting
over me. The bottom line in all this was that after a
few weeks, I left the group.
The next very significant event is something I’ve always
felt probably had one of the strongest influences in the
direction my life has taken…. Swimming. I had been in
choir when I was young and really enjoyed acting on
stage, too. My parents had allowed me to play in
numerous sports, but honestly, they just weren’t my cup
of tea. But, in my freshman year of high-school, I
decided to try swimming. My Mom had swam, my Dad had
swam, and would you believe, my high-school swim coach
also coached both of them. It may sound like I’m
bragging here, but it’s for a reason. My freshman year,
I made the team and my strongest stroke ended up being
butterfly. I swam faster in every meet that year than
the meet prior. Others who had swam since they were 8
years old, were frustrated by the fact that I just went
fast. The bottom line is that by my Junior year, I was
the state champion in the state of Georgia. I didn’t
have to work real hard at it either, I could just feel
how to move through the water quickly. It just made
sense to me. Although, my coach was better than any
other coach I ever had since.
And now I get to why this is significant. It is not a
matter of me believing that God wanted to help me win
races so that I could just win. There was a bigger
picture. My coach told me to focus on swimming and quit
football, because it was obvious I would get no
scholarships in football and would probably just get
hurt. Well, he was right about the scholarship to
college. But, not just any college, I ended up going to
The United States Military Academy at West Point.
Honestly, if I had gone to any other college, I’d
probably have self-destructed. I was a risk-taker and a
thrill seeker with very few boundaries. I honestly don’t
know what may have happened to me without the strictness
of West Point. As a result, my life was put on a course
that had a profound effect on who I am today. Deep down,
I always felt that swimming just came a little too easy
for me.
I Graduated from West Point. No small ordeal and surely
the hardest 4 years of my life. Again, even at West
Point, I was exposed to Christianity, the feelings
scared me, and I turned away. This time, my room-mate
was a Christian Scientist. He had some very interesting
ideas, though.
The next really significant moment in my life would have
to be Desert Storm. I was just married, with my first
daughter on the way, and I was half a world away in the
middle of a desert and in charge of four tanks and
fifteen personnel. How in the world did I end up as a
Tank Platoon Leader in a war! There was one really
significant night, though. Probably a week before the
actual ground assault started, negotiations had broken
down between the U.S. and Iraq and we were told late at
night in a tent with the other Platoon Leaders that a
peaceful resolution would not be made. I’ll never forget
that long, cold walk back to my platoon’s position
across the desert. The sky was cold and clear, I looked
up into the heavens above and just cried. I had to let
it out now because I couldn’t show this kind of emotion
to my troops. I had to lead. So I dropped to my knees
and just made sure I got it all out. Of course, you can
imagine that I prayed at a time like this. It helped,
and I’m sure I probably made some promises to God at
this point that I can’t even remember the details of.
I’m sure I said something like… “Just get me through all
this and I’ll try harder to believe in you”. Well, if I
thought four years at West Point were hard, that was
just a warm-up for eight months in a desert and 3 days
of war. However, I did get through it, and so did all of
my men. During a time like this, you can’t help but at
least consider God.
Later, after the war, after a difficult marriage that
was definitely missing God, especially as a foundation,
I ended up divorced with two children who were staying
with their mother and I began to definitely lose myself.
However, during this middle point of my life, I met a
woman who brought me into her Church. This time, it was
a Pentecostal church. If you’re not familiar with this
type of church, let me just say that it’s a little
different and VERY emotional. I feel they’re Christians,
just like us, but they get a bit more excited on
Sunday’s than most. However, the girl I was dating at
the time, her Mother, was actually the Preacher. It was
VERY powerful. They laid hands on me, prayed for me, and
proclaimed me a spiritual warrior. I had no idea what to
do with all of this. But, as strange as some of their
practices seemed to me, most of it felt really right. I
was starting to get into this, for the most part, but
things didn’t quite work out and in the end, I was again
leaving the church. In retrospect, it seems like God
just kept trying to show many different paths to come
and meet him until the right one showed up.
Well, I have now found that path. Since then, I met,
fell in Love with, and am now engaged to a wonderful
woman….. Elizabeth. And it is her faith journey that
brought me along with her to this point. She went
looking for a Church with her friend, Julie. She had
been involved in church when she was younger and wanted
to join a Church in Raleigh. I was not involved at this
point, but I knew better than to discourage her from
finding a church. She found St. Andrews and loved it and
she dove into it from my perspective. I knew Elizabeth
well enough that she was really going to dive into this
“Christianity” thing once she realized the water was
warm. I knew I had to at least support her or it would
be the end of our relationship. And, after all, Church
wouldn’t be a bad thing. Luckily, Elizabeth knew better
than to push me too hard and she just talked about her
studies in the new member’s class and I went along to
some Young adults’ group meetings with her. Hey, this
place was pretty cool. I finally decided through
discussions with her and listening to her questions and
watching her faith journey, that I was ready to do this
too. Not just ready, but excited.
Then last weekend came in January, 2004. Elizabeth is on
a business trip so it’s just my daughters and I for the
weekend. I’m a little worried about bringing the girls
to church alone and I don’t think they’re ready to take
on Sunday School classes on their own without me. I’m
also nervous when the kids are offered to go to classes
and they won’t be together, either. Well, while I’m
sitting in New Members class, a little worried, I’m
talking to Joel and sharing some incredible Faith
stories and I’m realizing with each passing minute that
this is where I’m supposed to be and surely, Joel was
put here to help me through all of this. I really feel
Joel and Mike understand me as a person and possibly
even understand the emotions I’m experiencing better
than I do. I remember asking Joel to help me with these
feelings. They are overpowering me. I told him, they
don’t really scare me, but I don’t understand them. Joel
turned to me and said it’s because your entire life is
about to change. In that moment, looking at Joel, I
realized that is EXACTLY what is so scary, and exciting.
I also realize I’m surrounded by people that can help me
and that I’m sure I can help them as well.
Finally, to wrap all this up, I leave the New Member’s
class after not nearly enough time with Joel, to find my
daughters. I’m worried since I can’t find them right
away and I can just imagine them running around looking
for me in a panic. Then, I see Renee, my oldest. She’s
laughing and talking to a group of kids her age and
looks over to me and waves. I go over and she gives me
hug and introduces me to her new best friend….. Mike
Nevling’s daughter. Renee’s first comment is, “Dad,
we’re coming to Church every weekend we’re with you,
right?” You bet! I’m thinking, this is just too weird!
Then, Renee says to follow her and she’ll show me where
Kelly is. Downstairs, I go. I turn the corner and there
is Kelly, standing up in front of the entire class
leading them in a game of hangman! This is almost too
much for me. Then, to top it all off, my oldest daughter
ends up participating in a Youth Group announcement to
the entire church up on stage during service. To say I’m
blown away is an understatement.
Since last week, I’ve spoken with even more Christians
at my office that I’ve just all of a sudden met. They
are incredibly supportive, and want me to join in their
Bible studies. They even want to come to our Church and
be here when I join. My journey to build a personal
relationship with this Church, and God through Christ,
has definitely begun. I mentioned I’m a fairly
analytical person the first week in class. Well, here’s
a couple of thoughts. Science is nothing more than the
exploration and understanding of God’s creation.
However, we have to be careful. We always hold the laws
of the Universe to be constant and we base our
understanding on these unchanging laws. But, if God
created the universe, he also created the laws…. The
Speed of Light, Time, Space, everything. So, what we
perceive to be millions and millions of years of
history, might not be. So, many of our observations that
may seem to contradict the Bible, may just in fact fit
right in. And finally, I have to admit that to think
that some water and elements with a lot of heat could
spontaneously turn into a living organism of any kind is
a bit ridiculous to me now. I can understand random
elements forming to create something….. but not someone.
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